Miss You Mama...

March 2005

You've been gone five years today. Sometimes it feels like a lifetime and other times it feels like yesterday. This week was rough. You were on my mind constantly and in my dreams. Some of them made me wake up crying. You've missed so much. I know you are where you want to be but im still selfish enough to desperately want you here instead. I want to watch you play with Becca. I want to call you for help when Im cooking. I want you to cook for me...spaghetti and birthday cake. I want to come over to do laundry and hang out all day.

If you were here I promise I wouldnt be annoyed when you call me. I would care more about spending time with you than with friends. I would try harder to make you proud of me. I would help you out more. I would take your advice more. I would never take you for granted. I would be a hugger. Sometimes I ache to feel your arms around me.

I dont remember your smell anymore. I can still remember the sound of your voice, especially your singing. I dont know enough about your life when you were young. I can still remember almost every moment of your last days...even though i want to forget. I dont know if you were proud of me. I do know that you loved me and I desperately miss your love.